STUDY Day 26—Empowerment, Being More of Me

Guess what- more than 45% of the population wont post a selfie without editing it first! And how about what percentage of the population is gay already? The societal belief is that one is still such a closely guarded secret we may never know. What is it about yourself that you hide so close that you can not ever imagining telling the world? What are you afraid of? And if what you are afraid of happening happens is it really as bad as the fear?

Dealing with people on a daily basis can jade us and twist us and before you know it you are pretending to be someone you are not. You truly are this generous compassionate wonderful person. Every one is. You may want to argue this one with me and say, “no, Bob up the street is a real…” and I can show you how Bob is misunderstood and confused and truly a wonderful person.

Love Me Where I’m At

When you are tired, in pain, or confused you sometimes need people to love you where you are at. Think of the compassion you have for others under extreme circumstances; you are forgiving, caring, considerate, understanding, patient, and selfless. This is who you are, and yet during your every day life you let go of these qualities.

Hiding who you are creates a craving that will break out somewhere. You haven’t allowed yourself to feel your feelings. You believe it is because others will not let you or to experience them will harm you in some way. This comes from childhood when someone tells you “stop crying” or “you can’t have that because–” and the reason is in direct conflict with other things they have already told you. This is where you start compartmentalizing things so they make sense and over time as you learn the boxes can be torn away and all things exist as one inside of you. Thing is instead of tearing down the compartmentalization you are jumping from box to box still. You already know that when you want to cry you shouldn’t. You know everything is going to be okay so you jump from crying to being okay without the experience. Then later something breaks out and you realize you are not okay and can not move past the experience, turning it over and over in confusion.

When you jump from A-Z, going over your feelings instead of through them you are skipping steps or stuffing down your feelings. If you move through them and feel who you are over time you see how wonderful you really are in every given situation. Energetics requires you to experience life before you let go of life. This is why you are hanging onto things in confusion not knowing why. What you are doing is similar to a child running before they ever take their first step, and once you run, crawling to places doesn’t make sense.

You haven’t been allowed to feel your feelings fully and when you do express them or feel them you quickly correct and go back to “the right thing to do” instead of the full expression of yourself. Why do we think both things can not exist at the same moment? Why do we think that if someone else is sad we need to be there too or we are insensitive to them? All conditioning. All beliefs. All energetically out of balance with what is going on in our balanced systems. This is why we feel UNCOMFORTABLE! Remember, uncomfortable is like physical pain for thoughts. When you feel uncomfortable you are suppose to back up and see what is causing the pain instead of pressing more into the direction of pain. It will take practice to get back from that and feel the freedom to fully express who you are in every moment, you will have to crawl before you can run.

Creating Space to Fully Feel Emotions

Being raised with the best of manners and courtesies I would never dream of expressing a derogatory thought about another human being. If someone were to yell at me I would always give them the benefit of the doubt and know that they are simply having a bad moment and this too will pass. If that was my only belief I would have balance and peace. Thing is in the past I learned and had stored in this other box that if someone yelled at me I had to take offense, and in this other box I had stored that I needed revenge, and in this other box that their behavior is a direct reflection of me and I am responsible to change them. Now, not only did I have all these beliefs to support with my actions I also had my truth of me somewhere underneath it all so stuffing things down seemed like the only useful solution, internalizing the pain they expressed as being about me.

I was very fortunate to find a friend one day who did not have this same hang up and to see this lovely gentle divine soul of a woman say she wanted someone to feel harm was shocking and freeing. I watched her go through this parade of emotions and expression and afterwards feel better. What an amazing concept! I watched the energetics behind it and was fascinated at how her energy shifted and released with this full expression of who she was in the moment. I was even able to see one of my major blocks to expressing myself and how it happened in the past and still effected me in every moment.

I was 7, at a loss for how to stop my sister from not meeting my needs, and grabbing for something to forcibly make her stop whatever was hurting me. I had heard it at school and it seemed to have the impact on others I was looking for so I angrily, with gritted teeth and then a yell said to my 5 year old sister, “I HATE YOU.” My mother called me into her room, fuming a bit, holding her pain with tears in her eyes, she said to hate someone was to wish them to hell (she was raised Baptist now a converted Catholic). Even stronger she added did I want that for my sister?

I am a kind, compassionante, gentle person. I never said I hated someone again… until my very dear friend gave me the space and encouraged me to fully express myself. Over time I tried on some of these things for myself sharing in the moment if I felt hatred, if I wanted someone to die to make my life easier, and I was given this space to express myself without fear of being judged or expected to continue that behavior after this moment or even having that behavior referenced to as part of me in the future. I now had a safe place to experience my emotions and I could begin to see the pain I was in that I hadn’t previously allowed myself to live. Over time I had no hate left and I could see everyone for who they truly are.

When someone loves us where we are at the solutions often rise to the surface because we are given space to see the whole story instead of pulling in focus and attention to keep from harming others. If we only allow for the partial expression of self there is confusion. The compartmentalizing of what we share, who we share it with, how it is to be shared, takes up a lot of energy and creates stress on the third eye connection.  When we are the full expression of ourselves there is clarity in a way that we can not achieve through any other action or connection to self and others.

What to Look For

Here are some common reasons we are less than the full expression of ourselves in every moment:

  • self protection, habitual learned behavior
  • fear based beliefs that we can be harmed or harm others
  • blaming others can keep us afraid to express ourselves because there is no truth in blame
  • anticipation of the response we will get, the unknown
  • believing our needs will burden others or make them feel not good enough
  • general societal beliefs taught us over the years about acceptable behavior
  • telling people our thoughts is unkind

Becoming aware is always half the battle and once done the rest of the process seems longer and harder.  Don’t worry, it only seems that way. When you get to the end of this process you will look back and wonder why it seemed so hard.

I Am Afraid to Express Myself As A...